Pathetic! Or: A Question Of Happiness
by Johijoha
Summary: LBD: Two years into her relationship with William Darcy and Lizzie Bennet couldn't be happier. Everything is perfect until ... Lots of fluff and angst


**This idea I had last night at two. But I fell asleep before I could finish it. It is not betaed and I am not a native English speaker, so I apologize for all stupid mistakes I might have made. I hope you still enjoy reading my first attempt at a P &P fanfiction and my first attempt at writing angsty.**

 **Let me know what you think.**

 **Obviously, the characters don't belong to me. I was born roughly two hundred years too late for that … speaking of which, who do the characters belong to? Does anybody know who owns the rights to Jane Austen's creations? Or are they actually free? Ah, copyright is not an easy matter to understand. ^^**

Lizzie Bennet was giddy. A big grin plastered all over her face. But she couldn't help it! She was sooo excited. Will had been gone for two weeks. Some important business deal in Chicago which had almost gone south, had called him away. Despite the fact they talked almost every night, she still missed him like crazy. She slept in one of his old college shirts and on his side of the bed. It was embarrassing, but she had even dripped some of his aftershave on the pillow, just so she could imagine his arms around her during her sleep. But tonight he would come home, right on time for her birthday slash their second anniversary.

Will had been planning the night for weeks and, judging from all the sly grins she had gotten from Fitz and Gigi and Jane's stubborn refusal to talk to her at all (that girl just couldn't keep a secret from her sister if her life depended on it), she was going to love it.

Just before lunch a huge bouquet of flowers arrived. An hour later, yet another bouquet arrived and so on and so on. By the end of the day there was no free space in her office left. Flowers, as it turned out, had a very special role in their relationship.

At their first official date, Lizzie had learned something truly surprising about William Darcy. It had been the day after her birthday. He had insisted on taking her out for a proper birthday dinner. When he picked her up under a lot of squealing from her mum, sly grins from Lydia and a risen eyebrow from her dad, he had given her a beautiful and very unusual bouquet of flowers. Lizzie didn't know much about flowers, but with a sister like Jane you hardly ever passed a flower shop without having a look (there had, after all been a reason, the flower had been Jane's costume) and this was not an ordinary bouquet. During dinner she asked him and this was how she learned that her new boyfriend was not only exceedingly romantic, but had learned, from his mother, the language of flowers. The bouquet he had given her that night had been comprised of pink tulips, persian buttercups, and periwinkle and, though he had never admitted to it, Lizzie was sure he had called every single flower shop in the city to find all the flowers he wanted.

Over the last two years Lizzie had gotten pretty good at reading the messages Will was sending her with the flowers. Now looking at her office, she couldn't translate everything, but it seemed to be a history of the last two years of their relationship, all up and downs included.

Lizzie smiled with tears in her eyes.

"You have to marry that man, you realize that, right?"

Lizzie looked up surprised, in her office door leaned Laura, her business partner. She had met Laura shortly after coming to San Francisco and they had hit it off right away. She had known about Lizzie's diaries, had in fact been a fan of the first hour, and after several weeks of a fast developing friendship they had decided to go into business together. Lizzie didn't regret this fast decision for a second. By now Laura was one of her closest friends. Right up there with Charlotte, Jane, Lydia, Fitz and Gigi.

Laura came in and fell into the chair opposite Lizzie, admiring the sea of flowers.

"No, I'm serious, Lizzie. This guy is like a jackpot. He is intelligent, caring, protective, supportive ... he's rich! And good looking! And he clearly adores you! He sent you an entire office full of flowers for your anniversary, for gods sake!"

Lizzie smiled thoughtful.

Sometimes Lizzie wondered if she was being pathetic. What had become of the strong independent woman she had been? Now she lived with her boyfriend, even if it had taken him almost a year to convince her to move in. They cooked together (he was a surprisingly capable chef, definitely better than her), spent their evenings in front of the Tv, they went grocery shopping, paid their bills. All in all they were ridiculously grown up and responsible and so … domestic!

But it wasn't like her whole life revolved around Will, she had to remind herself. She had her own business, which was, surprisingly, still going strong, despite all the warnings from 'well-meaning' people. She had made new friends, and no, not just Gigi and Fitz. She started playing Volleyball once a week and went out with the girls she had met there. Then of course there was still Charlotte and Lydia and Jane.

Still, to realize her own happiness depended so heavily on one man was … frightening.

At six a knock on her door interrupted her work. There he was. As good-looking as ever, even if a bit tired, with a gentle smile on his lips.

"Hey there."

"Hey there yourself." she whispered. Slowly she rose from her chair and the next moment she found herself wrapped into his strong, warm arms, losing herself in a kiss.

Finally their lips separated. His forehead rested against hers.

"Welcome home." she smiled.

"I missed you." he mumbled.

"I missed you, too." she answered breathing in scent and enjoying the warmth of his arms around her.

After a second, he let go of her. "Now, are you ready to go?" he grinned. She nodded and arm in arm they left the office.

As expected, the evening was amazing. Will had taken her to the restaurant, where they had had their first date in San Francisco. It was tiny with excellent food and usually every table was booked for months ahead. Lizzie had no idea, how he had managed to convince the owner to let him rent the entire restaurant for one night, but somehow he had. They were all alone, except for the waiter who kept mostly out of site.

After dinner and a spectacular dessert, a song started to play, a song she only knew all too well. Grinning he asked her for the dance. Laughing she accepted. It was the same song they had danced to at the Gibson wedding.

"You want to recreate the most awkward dance in history?" she whispered in his ear.

"Well, Lizzie, we got a second chance, I thought it was only fair, if our first dance got one as well." he answered smiling.

Afterwards they went to the theater. An adaptation of Anna Karenina. The same play Will had wanted to take her to that day that could have been their first date, hadn't Charlotte's call interrupted them. The play was fantastic, the actors engaging and authentic and the story as gripping and heart breaking as ever, even if they head to, for obvious reasons, cut quiet a bit of the original to adapt it for the theater. She laughed and cried completely enthralled by the performances.

When the play was over, they left the theater arm in arm, laughing, smiling and kissing. Will left to get their coats while Lizzie slowly moved to the exit. It had started raining and the other visitors huddled under the roof while waiting for their taxis, but not even the bad weather could dampen Lizzie's happiness. She walked outside. The cool rain falling onto her skin. Laughing happily she reached for the sky and started to twirl, the eyes closed and enjoying the feeling of the raindrops on her face.

She heard will calling for her and stopped, turning in the direction of his voice.

A hard shove, screeching and a loud bang.

Lizzie found herself lying on the street. Her knees and elbows were scratched from the fall and hurt wickedly. _What had just happened?_ Slowly she looked around.

About fifty meters away, the smoking wreckage of a car had crashed into a wall. The driver crawled out of it, groaning and cursing the stupid bitch who had gotten into his way.

On the sidewalk, where, just seconds ago, she had performed her little dance, lay Will's unmoving body.

"No!" Lizzie whispered. Panicking she crawled over to him.

His body was all wrong. His arms and legs spread in weird angles, a large cut on his face.

"Will?" carefully she touched his cheek.

Slowly Will opened his eyes. He had trouble focusing on her face.

Out of the corner of her eyes she saw a man reaching for his phone and calling an ambulance.

He tried to speak, but only a hoarse groan came from his thoat.

"Shhh. Don't talk! The ambulance is already on its way. Don't speak. Just breath!" she tried to calm him, desperately fighting the tears. "Look what you did to yourself. Why did you have to push me out of the way. You're just trying to gain points with me. Not that that's necessary." she laughed slightly hysterically through her tears.

"Lizzie ..." he whispered.

"Shh, no talking." she still stroke his face over and over again.

"Promise … promise me, you'll be happy." he uttered.

"Don't talk like that! The ambulance will be here any moment."

"Promise me."

"I'll promise no such thing!" she refused angrily. _How could he talk like that? How could he expect something like that from her?_

"Thank you." he mumbled.

"What?" she squeaked.

"For … loving me. I love you." he mumbled, his eyes loosing their focus.

"I love you, too." she cried. "Please, you have to be strong. Don't leave me!"

Slowly his eyes closed. One last breath and his chest stopped rising.

"Will?" she whispered. "Will?" this time louder. She shook his shoulder, but he didn't react. "Will, open your eyes! Please, look it me! Will! Will!" But he didn't answer, he didn't move, he didn't look at her and he would never again. She still tried to shake him awake, desperately calling his name. Not realizing the shocked people around her. A paramedic arrived and checked for vitals. Nothing.

Someone grabbed Lizzie from behind slowly pulling her away from Will.

No! No! She couldn't leave him! He needed her! Everything inside of her screamed. He couldn't be dead! He couldn't be gone. This had been their night! The perfect night! Will wouldn't just leave her. She fought the arms around her. They didn't understand! He wasn't dead! Every moment now, he would wake up and everything would be ok again.

Her mind refused to accept anything else, but her body knew. Will wasn't here anymore. He was gone. Her chest hurt, her lungs refused to work, every breath seemed to rip her apart a bit more. Tears ran down her cheeks and mingled with the still pouring rain. As she watched the paramedics take away his lifeless body a terrifying, heartbreaking scream ripped from her throat.

* * *

Shocked, Lizzie woke from her sleep. She panted heavily, shaking all over still in shock over her terrible dream. Her cheeks felt wet and her throat hoarse from screaming. Instinctively her hand wandered to the other side of the bed, searching for the warm body that wasn't there.

 _Breath Elizabeth! Breath!_ She willed herself to breath slowly and steadily again. _It was only a dream. A dream, nothing more. No reason to freak out like this._ She told herself.

She reached for the bottle of water she always kept at her bedside and drank greedily. Finally she fell back into her pillows and stared to the ceiling.

She looked at the glowing digits of her clock. It was just after midnight. "Damn!" she mumbled. Exhausted she closed her eyes again and tried to go back to sleep. But her dream wouldn't let her go. Again and again she saw Will's face covered in blood, saw his broken body in the pouring rain, heard his pain filled whispers of love and felt life leave his body.

Eventually she gave up and reached for her mobile phone on the night stand.

"Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up." she chanted in her head. Tears started to fall again.

Finally someone picked up an annoyed rumble answered.

A relieved whimper escaped her lips.

That woke him. "Lizzie? Lizzie, darling, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing. Everything is alright. I'm sorry for waking you. You probably had a long day and need your sleep ..."

"Elizabeth Bennet, don't lie to me!" he said, now completely awake and very worried. "You don't just call me at … three a.m. from the other side of the country for nothing. So what happened?"

"Nothing, really, nothing happened. It's stupid. I just … I just had a nightmare and really, really needed to her your voice. That's all. Really. Stupid, right?"

"I see." he sounded relieved. She heard a squeaking at the other end, indicating Will was getting comfortable in his hotel bed. "Tell me what it was about."

Lizzie hesitated for a second.

"Remember our anniversary?"

"Lizzie, my memory is impeccable." he teased. "I proposed, I'm not likely to forget that too soon. Besides it was only two weeks ago." At that, she unconsciously played with the engagement ring on her finger. It was a simple ring of white gold. In its centre set a beautiful amethyst surrounded by tiny diamonds. A very tearful Gigi had told her the next day, it had been their mothers engagement ring a fact that made Lizzie love the ring all the more.

"There was that moment, after the theater. This drunk driver almost hit me and you pulled me out of the way." she whispered, memories of her dream and the actual date two week ago mixing.

"You dreamt he hit you?" Will guessed.

"No. I dreamt he hit you." She almost choked on the words. "You died in my arms, Will. It was so horrible. I just … I just needed to hear your voice … to really know that you're ok. I know it's pathetic. I mean, it was just a stupid dream and here I am, completely freaking out until I hear your voice. I'm sorry to wake you for something like that."

"No, it's ok."

"Yeah, so how is the conference? And New York? Have you seen Jane and Bing yet?" she asked to distract him. By now she had calmed down and was very embarrassed.

"New York is as always, the most overrated city of the country, too loud and too many people." at that Lizzie had to giggle. It was a well known fact among those close to William Darcy, that he considered San Francisco the only city in the country worth living in. "I haven't seen Bing and Jane yet. We are supposed to meet for breakfast today before my flight leaves. The conference was good. Very interesting actually. I made some new contacts."

"Really?" Lizzie mumbled. "Tell me more." Smiling she settled back into their bed. His voice in her ear telling her all about his exciting new ideas and business possibilities, she slowly drifted of to sleep. The bad dream almost forgotten.

* * *

The next morning she remembered with horror the events of the last night.

Had she really called Will, just because she had had a bad dream? How old was she? Five? Did it get any more pathetic? It was just a nightmare! You didn't call people because of something like that! What must he think of her? She was a grown-up woman not a little girl who needed to be comforted at every turn. _Argh! Lizzie! Don't be so pathetic!_ She chastised herself.

The sound of the door interrupted her thoughts. Surprised she looked up. Except for her and Will, only Gigi and Fitz had replacement keys and both were out of town.

She threw on an robe and rushed down the stairs. Shocked she stopped in her tracks. There in the entrance stood a very tired Will. He placed a bouquet of flowers on the side table and slipped out of his shoes and coat.

"Will?" she whispered.

Smiling he turned around. "Surprise! I canceled the breakfast with Bing and Jane and took an earlier flight." His smile contorted into a huge yawn. "I'm sorry ..." he was about to apologize, but Lizzie rushed down the last few steps and jumped into his arms before he could finish. She wrapped her arms and legs tightly around him and closed his mouth with a passionate kiss. Will was only too willing to reciprocate. Awkwardly he stumbled up the stairs, still holding her, still kissing her, while she tried to free him of his blazer, so she could feel him even more, even closer.

Who cared if she was pathetic. Being pathetic was alright with her, if it meant she had this amazing man in her life, who made her so unbelievably happy, she thought while pulling his shirt out of his pants and let her fingers wander over the warm smooth skin of his back, her lips never leaving his.

Downstairs on the side table sat the forgotten bouquet of morning glories.

 **Ok, so that turned out very differently than I expected.**

 **I hope you were surprised by the developments and got the emotional roller coaster I had intended. xD**

 **Originally I only wanted to write the story of how Lizzie wakes up alone after a nightmare of Darcy dying and calls him, because she can't fall asleep without hearing his voice and realizing he is really ok. So I needed a situation when he could die in front of her … and that scene slightly escalated. Suddenly I had that whole anniversary idea in it, then came the flowers and the idea of Lizzie feeling slightly pathetic for seemingly being so dependent on him … and this is what came of it. I hope you liked it.**

 **By the way, curse you San Francisco, I really wanted Darcy to die in the snow! Well, now it's the rain. Whatever.**

 **The language of flowers is not an exact science and I only comprised the bouquet according to what I wanted it to symbolize, I used a German website, so I'm sorry if the meaning of these flowers in your country is different or if a true florist tells me, that bouquet makes no sense whatsoever. ^^**

 **Pink tulips: I love you**

 **persian buttercups: you are wonderful**

 **periwinkle: memories (to symbolize that he would never forget how they had gotten to that point)**

 **morning glory: You're not gonna get rid of me ^^**


End file.
